(There’s a lot to be said here. I don’t have a lot of room (or time) to do it. Forgive me for rushing through some bits. Five parts. That’s all. And, like Gen-Con itself, everything goes so fast&)

Finishing off Friday Night

The L5R LARP is over. My Scorpions have made a fine showing for themselves. Yojiro goes back to his room and puts his kimono, obi and collar away. John puts his little black Gen-Con hat back on and gives The Honest Scorpion a little farewell.

Then, John, Rich and Tom head off to The Safehouse. It’s late - very late - but that doesn’t stop us. Along for the ride are Betty, her husband Steve, and their babysitter Lee. It’s the first opportunity I’ve really had to talk to Steve in the three years I’ve known him. He’s usually busy at the tournament playing his Scorpion deck and I’m up on the floor pitching a new RPG.

We all chat about L5R, Scorpions, Orkworld, the Live-Action game and - believe it or not - professional wrestling. In the course of the evening, I get to talk to Steve. By the end of the night, I can’t decide who’s the lucky one.

Later that night, Tom tells me, “John, L5R fans are the coolest gamers I’ve ever met.” I can’t disagree. Of course, we’re both overwhelmed by the sheer volume of L5R fans all over the con. We wish them a good night, head back to our respective hotel rooms and hit the hay at around three in the morning. The alarm is set for eight.

Who needs sleep?

Well, you’re never gonna get it

Who needs sleep?

Tell me what’s that for?

Who needs sleep?

Be happy with what you’re getting

There’s a guy that’s been awake since the Second World War

Saturday

Another eighty-eight books. Gone by 6 PM.

Tom is extatic. Hundreds of people coming up to the booth, all telling him that his work is gorgeous.

John Kovalic stops by the booth before the room opens. He got his copy on Friday. His bookmark is four-fifths of the way through. He calls me brilliant. And let me tell you something, having John Kovalic call you brilliant ain’t no small affair. That man is writing the funniest damn comic in the history of the game indust - no. Check that.

John Kovalic’s Dork Tower is not just laugh until you’ve got a stitch in your side funny. John is not just a cartoonist. He’s a satirist in the truest sense of the word, communicating volumes of emotions with a squiggle of ink and a word bubble. John’s comics are not about gaming; they are about people who game. John’s books are on my shelf, sitting next to Twain, Swift and Shultz.

And they’re in good company.

Earlier that morning, I’ve made about one hundred white armbands adorned with the Scorpion mon. White: the Rokugani color of mourning. I tell John what they’re for and he puts one on his arm. The Great and Mighty Stafford wears one. Tom and Rich wear one. Dustin (The Spider King) wears one. Ken Hite wears one. Betty looks like she’s going to cry when I wrap it around her arm. L5R fans see them and want one. I only give them to Scorpions. Like Orkworld, they’re gone before I can look twice.

And, like Orkworld, the time slips away. At three, I leave the booth to change into my Yojiro costume. I hadn’t planned on it, but I pulled out The Honest Scorpion for a second Last Time. It’s three forty-five when I show up at the tournament room. I see about a hundred white arm bands.

One hundred white arm bands and about three hundred expectant faces.

Three hundred people. All gathered to hear the Last Kachiko Story.

I can feel the butterflies start to stir.

Ree hands me the pages I left behind when I left AEG. The paper is a year old. I see the single water dot on the front page. That’s from me. A tear from a year ago. I see that and remember writing the Nothing Up My Sleeve columns for the GDJ so long ago. There’s magic in that tear, and I feel its cousins creeping up my throat.

Ree hands me a bullhorn.

John Wick don’t need no bullhorn.

I stand on a chair. The first few rows sit down so those behind them can see and hear.

Three hundred plus people. All gathered to hear a story.

No prizes. No free cards. No game. No tournament.

Just a story.

I stand on the chair and say something like this:

“On Friday, Ree asked me to read this. I have to warn you: when I was done writing it, my t-shirt was wet. When I was done reading it to The Wife, my eyes were red and ragged. Just looking at it right now, I can tell you, I’ll be a mess when we’re done. I’ll do my best, but you’ll have to be a little patient with me.”

I stand on the chair and say something like this:

“On Friday, Ree asked me to read this. I have to warn you: when I was done writing it, my t-shirt was wet. When I was done reading it to The Wife, my eyes were red and ragged. Just looking at it right now, I can tell you, I’ll be a mess when we’re done. I’ll do my best, but you’ll have to be a little patient with me.”

I put the story in front of me. I decided right then and there I would not get emotional about it. Then, I saw Betty out of the corner of my eye. She had already lost all composure. Not a good way to start.

I did make it through the story. I had to stop a couple of times. One line hit me so hard I nearly fell over (for those who saw it, it was the “What I want” line). I felt Ree reach up and touch my arm, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded. I kept on reading.

When I was done, my face was covered in tears. I had a little nudge in my head tell me, “You just cried in front of three hundred plus people you jerk.” I nodded softly. “Yes. Yes, I did.” Then, I looked up from those pages and saw three hundred tear stained faces.

There was applause. There was a Ree/John hug. A Betty/John hug. I looked around to see if Rich and Tom were there. I didn’t see them.

The denouement was quick.

“I want to thank all of you for being here. ‘Thank you’ is such a small word for how I feel right now. L5R will always be that ex-girl friend that I broke up with a long time ago. But it was a friendly break-up and every once in a while we get together and have really great sex.”

That lightened the mood a bit.

“So thanks again. Thanks for giving me two of the best years of my life. Thank you for believing. Keep the faith& and go upstairs and buy Orkworld!”

They cheered. I didn’t waste any time.

I had to get out of there. I moved through the crowd as quick as I could. Everyone wanted to shake my hand, pat me on the back, tell me how cool the story was, how much it meant to them. I had to get out of there.

I ran out, leaving the whole thing behind. A Harry Chapin line suddenly came into my head: “They’re applauding at my shadow, long after I’m gone.”

More people. More handshakes. More pens and cards. I tell them I’ll be in the dealers’ room, and I’ll sign anything they want there. I get out of the room, catch my breath and suddenly realize I’d been on the verge of hyperventilating for nearly an hour.

After a year of carrying that story around in my heart, it was good to put it down.

And right then, right there, I realize just how big and powerful The Lady has become. Bigger than me. In five hundred years, people won’t remember John Wick, but they’ll remember Bayushi Kachiko.

(Don’t believe me? Tell me who created The Shadow. Or Doc Savage. Or Flash Gordon. How about Superman? Be honest with yourself. Don’t go look it up. Just realize that you don’t know. Then realize that dreamers always stand in the shadow of their dreams.

And that ain’t always a bad place to be.)

* * *

Back up in the dealers’ room, I sell about two boxes of books to people in L5R shirts with eyes as red and ragged as my own. They shake my hand, tell me very kind and flattering things, then hand me money and ask me to sign the book. I’m so high, I’ll sign just about anything.

Ken Hite stops by around then. He asks me how the story went. I tell him. Then, I give him a copy of the book to review.

Yes, I said “review.”

Let me tell you why.

A review is, essentially, the reviewer telling you whether or not you should buy the book. He tells you what he thinks about the game design, the writing, and the art. Well, I have three problems with that.

1. Who the hell are you?
2. What the hell do you know about game design?, and
3. Who the hell asked for your opinion in the first place?

Ken Hite answers those questions rather nicely.

First, I know Ken. I respect his opinion. I don’t always agree with his opinion, but those of us with half a brain in our heads know you don’t have to agree with someone to respect them.

Second, Ken knows a great deal about game design. Johnny-Come-Latelys know Ken for his work at Last Unicorn Games. I know him from an entirely different source; the best RPG that you never played: Nephilim.

Finally, if Ken sent me e-mail full of critical commentary about Orkworld, I’d read it.

Those are the Wick criteria for reviewing a Wicked Press product. If you don’t fill those categories (Chris Hepler is the only other person I can think of who does), you don’t get a review copy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying “You can write a review of my game you urchin-for-brains nobodies!” I’m saying that you don’t get a review copy if you ain’t Ken Hite (and Co.). And that’s that.

Of course, as soon as I gave that copy to Ken, Tony from Games Unplugged ran up and asked for one.

“No,” I told him.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I’m Number 21. If I was #18, maybe. If I was #10, possibly. If I was in the top five, most certainly. But the answer is ‘No.’”

Tony looked sad and stepped away. I don’t care. I’m not paying him twenty-five bucks to tell me whether or not he liked my game. He can shell out the cash. Then, he can tell me if he liked my game or not.

And, by the way, I really don’t care I didn’t show up on Games Unplugged’s Top Twenty Game Designers of All Time. Honestly, I don’t. But there is somebody missing from that list, and that pisses me off.

His name is Dave Williams.

Dave is the Lead Designer over at AEG. He was lead on the L5R CCG, he was the co-designer of the L5R RPG “roll and keep” system, the lead designer on Doomtown, and was very instrumental in the design of 7th Sea: No Quarter!

I remember one L5R ad that summed up Dave’s design skills quite nicely. The text was simple (I’m paraphrasing, so someone can correct me):

L5R
1200 Cards.
0 Banned. 0 Restricted.

To my understanding, there are still no banned or restricted cards in Legend of the Five Rings. No Moxes. No Black Loti. No card that breaks the game.

Another example is something Dave taught me years ago about game design. It involves a card that sure threatened that streak: the Ninja Shapeshifter. Everyone complained the card was too powerful. An unstoppable, irresistable force. Instead of killing the card, Dave introduced two new cards into the playing environment. That took care of everything.

See, in L5R, Personalities have two traits you can attack: Force and Chi. The Shapeshifter had a 2 Force and a 2 Chi and can copy the Force or Chi of any card on the board& but not both. So, Dave introduced a card that attacked Force of 2 or less and another card that attacked Chi of 2 or less. Two very useful cards that happened to be great against the Shapeshifter.

That’s Dave: always finding invisible solutions to visible problems. And if anyone deserved to be on that list, it was Dave. That’s why Games Unplugged didn’t get a review copy.

* * *

After the con, I took Rich, Tom, Steve and Betty through the secret entrance one last time. The table swung about (when you see it, you’ll understand) and we stepped into a room& full of L5R shirts.

“Hey! It’s Wick& with Kachiko!”

A cheer roared up. A hundred different handshakes, slaps on the back and offers to buy me a drink. We all sat in the booth just above the dancefloor next to the Infamous Pole.

(You don’t get that story; at least, not this time. Suffice to say it involves me, the pole and a beautiful woman who danced for a living. At some point, she said “My God, how is he doing that?” That’s all you get for now.)

We sat together and someone asked me to tell the Bashthraka story. I’d been telling the story nearly every day, and every time I did, we sold through a box of books. I told the story. Had half the bottom floor chanting, “And Basthraka Killed Them!” and lost the rest of my voice. That was my favorite telling of the tale. It was the only time people could hear it as it was meant to be heard: with liquor in hand.

Ree showed up at around eleven, dressed in Scorpion colors. Soon thereafter, I was taken to the basement of The Safehouse and experienced something called “The Hail to the Chief.” When it was over, Rich, Tom, Dave Williams and Ree all congratulated me on Orkworld. I got lots of hugs.

Once again, Tom, Rich and I got back to bed at three. Rich’s plane left at seven in the morning. He got up early, moved ’round the room so quiet, I never heard him leave. He left a note on the bed. It’s been a long time since I woke up to a note.

Tom and I packed up the hotel and ran over to the con. We spent the rest of the day making last day sales. I made sure the right people got copies and when three o’clock rolled around, Tom had to leave.

I started the con alone, and I ended the con alone.

All my books were gone. Eric and I estimated I’d sell about one hundred and fifty to two hundred books. By the end, I sold three hundred. At twenty-two bucks a book, that’s $6,600. Sixty percent ($3,960) goes to Rich. Subtract the $500 for the booth, the $500 to ship out the extra boxes and the $300 I paid for the plane tickets, that brought my total Gen-Con profit to $1,340.

These figures are still a little up in the air. I haven’t got the final sales figures from Eric just yet. When the fifth runs around, I’ll let you know the final tally. However, I do know that we’ve sold about 300 copies of the book from Wizard’s Attic. Again, at $22 a copy, that’s $6,600. Again, $3,960 goes to pay off the printing costs. But, Orkworld is starting to pay off those bills. I’ll have final tallies for you the next time we talk.

* * *

I flew home at nine at night. Steve and Betty (and company) were kind enough to drop me off at the airport, saving me twenty bucks of cabfare. We had dinner before the flight left at my favorite Italian restaurant in Milwaukee. We talked about L5R, Kachiko, Orkworld and the rest. Betty confessed she wouldn’t wear the Kachiko costume again. I told her that was silly, but she insisted.

We listened to the new Darkest of the Hillside Thickets CD, Spaceship Zero on the way out. It’s amazing. Their best yet. You don’t have to be a Cthulhu fan to dig the Thickets. Witty, funny and some damn fine playing on top. Check them out.

While waiting for my flight to leave, I checked out my stash from the weekend.

The Hills Rise Wild! from Pagan Publishing. It’s gorgeous. I’m sorry I only got a moment to talk to John Tynes. One of the nicest guys in the game industry& and you wouldn’t recognize him from the awful, horrible things he writes about. Sorry, John. I’ll see you next year.

Passion Play, live action rules for Fading Suns. A very impressive product that makes leaps and bounds in live-action play (sorry John B.!).

The Invisible Clergy for Unknown Armies. I had to pick up a copy for Morgan (a buddy from work), but I also picked up a copy for myself. I’m a great admirer of Greg Stolze’s work& even if it makes me feel all dirty (which, I think, is his intent; you succeeded Greg!).

I also got a copy of that little Pendragon Book of Knights. The reason? I was listening to Peter Corless pitching Pendragon to someone. “Come visit the realm of Arthur and his noble knights of the Table Round!”

Now, I love Pendragon, and Peter has to be one of the happiest people I’ve ever met in my entire life, and after hearing him joyfully pitch Pendragon for four days, I finally said, “You know, Tom& I don’t want to play a noble knight. I wanna play a dastardly, wicked, honorless dog.”

Peter turns to me and says, “You want to write The Book of Villains?”

“Sure!” I tell him. “As long as it’s as small as that Book of Knights you’ve got there.”

Peter pulls out a notepad, scribbles something on it and hands it to me. I take one look and nearly fall down laughing.

It’s a contract. No, specifically, it’s a Don King contract. For me to write The Book of Villains for an unspecified amount of money for an unspecified deadline.

“Do I get to do Morgan La Fae?” I ask him, only briefly aware of the double entendre.

“Sure,” he says.

I laugh, sign the contract and Peter jumps as high as the rabbit he shares a name with. Then, he goes running all over the Wizard’s Attic booth, showing people the contract, shouting at the top of his lungs, “I’ve got John Wick to write The Book of Villains!” That sight alone was worth the whole trip.

I looked through my copy of Dune. Gorgeous book. Some damn clever game design. Too bad about that d20 thing. Too bad.

And, lastly, speaking of d20, I peeked through D&D3. I traded for a copy of Orkworld. I’m sorry to say that I’ll never read it. Tom summed it up best when someone came by the booth with a copy, asking people to sign the inside cover. “It’s my Gen-Con 2000 yearbook!” they said. Tom drew a picture of Bashthraka. The word bubbles read (in BIG letters):

BASHTHRAKA HATES READING ENCYCLOPEDIAS!!!

When they handed the book to me, I saw what Tom drew and wrote and laughed. Just under it, I wrote (in tinier letters):

What he said. It isn’t wise to disagree with Bashthraka.

I’ll never know just how good or bad the game is because I can’t get beyond page 10 before my eyes start bleeding. C’est la vie.

* * *

When my plane lands in Los Vegas for the transfer, I drop a quarter in a video poker machine. I get bupkis and I lose my quarter.

I smile. My Trouble wasn’t blinking that time.

When I land, The Wife is there to give me The Wife Hug.

I remember back when I waved goodbye, thinking it may be the very last time I see her again.

“I missed you,” she says.

I held her as tight as Janet held Tam Lin about fifteen episodes ago. The drive home is at least two hours. I only get to tell her the highlights. It takes me nearly a week to fill her in on all the details. In fact, just this morning, I remembered something that made us both laugh so hard, the dog barked at us.

I met a lot of people at Gen-Con. I could write a few hundred thousand words about the experience. Just a quick “Hi!” and “Thanks!” to:

Take care, and good night.

- Jw
8/25/00
1:06 AM