Whatever you’ve heard about GenCon, it’s a lie. If you see someone coming back from that Milwaukee Mecca, get away. Fast. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but from what I do know, well, God help us all.

I’m writing this from the Hyatt in Milwaukee, Sunday; it’s 3:21 AM. Or it was about ten minutes ago, before the power in the hotel went out. They turned it off, actually; I guess it’s to round up the few of us who got out before They clamped down on the Express Center. Whatever They did, sparks few from the lights in my room and I heard screams from a few rooms down. You don’t hear screams in hotels unless they’re very loud and very real.

I’ll try to make this quick, because I’m They are coming for me soon enough, and there’s no way out of here. I say ‘They’ because I don’t know who They are yet, but They deserve the capital letter with what They’ve done.

Here’s what I know: 6:00 PM Saturday, the exhibition hall is closing. Gamers tumbling out the exits, looking at their shiny new Exalted hardcover instead of looking where they’re going. Exhibitors with smiles of relief after another long day of cash pouring into their booths.

I was on the second floor, next to the bank of networked gaming computers. As I stood there, trying to figure out why anyone would come all the way to Milwaukee to sit in front of a computer screen, it happened. There was a bright flash of green light that filled the convention center. People all around me stumbled to their knees. The green light seemed to stick to the walls and windows of the building, slowly enveloping the convention center.

When I saw five people run onto the floor with gleaming white armor and some sort of guns pointed out at the crowd, I knew something was going down real bad, real fast. (In retrospect, those might just have been a bunch of guys dressed in Stormtrooper armor, but I wasn’t going to take the chance. Those guys are scary in their own right, anyway.)

I ran down a broken escalator (what other kind was there at GenCon) to the first floor. I saw the same green light had already completely covered the windows and doors on this floor. There was a mass of gamers pushing futilely against the main doors of the center - the green light prevented their escape, flashing and shocking anyone coming into contact with it. I managed to sneak into a room marked “Hercules & Xena Card Game Tournament” - I knew I’d be safe there, in a room no one would brave entering.

I spent the following hours watching everything happen from the window of the room. Men and women in dark gray suits brandishing very large pistols - the They I’m talking about - rounded up every last person. They brought them up to the higher floors, I can’t be sure where, and for the first time during GenCon everything was quiet.

I was thinking about making my way out, trying to escape, when I saw a young guy, maybe 15, run down the escalator looking scared out of his mind. Without thinking I opened the door to my CCG sanctuary and waved him in. He was panicked and out of breath. Before he could regain his composure to talk to me, I saw three of Them come down the escalator, obviously looking for the kid. They searched almost everywhere, one of Them even passing by the door of the room we were in. He didn’t come in, of course - even They can’t bear the ARC System, apparently.

Once They were gone, the kid started to tell me what was happening up on the third floor. As he told what everyone was being rounded up for, why GenCon was apparently being quarantined, my eyes grew larger and larger in disbelief. But I had seen what had been happening, and I had to believe it.

So now I knew what was happening, as devious as it was, but who was behind it all? “Wizards of the Coast? They’re orchestrating all this?” I asked, my voice trembling. They’re an empire, sure, but I never knew they were an evil one. Not like this.

The kid laughed right in my face; he hadn’t brushed his teeth for days, I’d guessed. “Wot-See?” he chortled, looking at me with the crazed eyes of a boy who had been through too much in too short a time. “This is far beyond Wizards. They’re being messed with as much as everyone else, maybe more. No, I saw who it was. They’ve been here all along, waiting for their chance to strike. It was… oh @#$%, my foils are still up there!”

The boy darted out of the room, tearing back upstairs, apparently for his Magic, or Star Wars, or MLB Showdown cards, something. Addiction’s like that, I guess. I knew I’d never be seeing him again; They’d get him before he got near his precious decks.

I knew I’d have to get out of the Express Center - They’d find me sooner or later. More importantly, this needed to come out. The world needs to know these plans. Luck was on my side (relatively speaking) - shortly after, the convention goers started streaming back down to the first floor. They all looked so real… but armed with what the kid told me, I knew the truth.

Clones. They’re all clones.

Don’t ask me the what’s and how’s of it; suffice to say all of these masses of people being let out of the convention center were just drone copies of the ones who paid too much to get in. So what was happening to the real conventioneers and exhibitors that were still up on that third floor of the Express Center? I wasn’t going to stick around to get a first-hand look; besides, the kid told me all I wanted to know. I would have been seen if I had slipped out the front doors with the crowd; my only chance was to blend into the others going up to the second floor and to head out to the Hyatt hotel.

It was a lot of luck and very little skill, but I managed to get back to my room at the Hyatt and to my laptop, where I’m typing this now. I had to let people know. Besides, I had to grab my copy of Adventure! I bought on Thursday. What a cool game.

I hear the pounding on doors coming closer; I’m guessing They’ll be here for me in a few minutes, if even that long. They must be able to sense who is one of their organic robots. I’m sure I don’t have much longer until they make an Alex clone and bring me to the Playtest.

The Playtest is what the kid called it. After they got cloned, everything was explained very clearly to the people rounded up on the third floor. How it’ll be explained to me shortly, I’d guess. Or maybe they just kill the ones that tried to escape. I don’t know.

Where else, They told the conventioneers, are They going to find 20,000 of the best game designers, gamemasters, wargame strategists, rules lawyers, munchkins, and just plain game fanatics in one place at one time? (The kid told me someone yelled out “Essen!” and They bloodied him so bad everyone else figured They weren’t in a joking mood.) They figured that they could dominate the entire gaming industry if they had everyone working for them. What better to do but to take everyone by force while all in one place?

The kid told me their plan is to take the best aspects of every game at GenCon - except the Harry Potter card game, which apparently has none - and use their “newly acquired” gaming talent to create one game to conquer the industry.

(Personally, I’m confused as to why anyone who can create green force fields and have the technology to develop clones wants to use that power to dominate the gaming industry. Then again, why the heck is anyone with any useful abilities in the game industry anyway? Everyone’s crazy already, so why can’t the evil villain be…)

The flashy colors and kid-friendly rules of Z-G. The style of Exalted. The literary connections of the Lord of the Rings RPG. The collectability of Mage Knight. The dark indie spirit of Little Fears. The cool electronics and mass-marketing appeal of NFL Showdown. The pre-paintedness of Holistic’s Fantasy Encounter mini’s. The value-for-the-page-count of The Last Exodus (it’s only 15 bucks!). And much much more. All wrapped in the universal appeal and marketing tactic of the D20 System.

They’re mad, I tell you, mad.

They’re knocking on my door, now. I can’t stop them. Maybe someone else, maybe you, can.

Whatever you do, don’t trust anyone coming back from GenCon. I’m not sure if the clones are here to mess up other company’s games, spy for Them, or just explode on contact, but I’m sure They’ve got them up to no good.

And someone, please, don’t let my clone steal my Z-G figures - I got all three! I like the big huge gun on the blue guy…