Practise Bits: 11!!Leet11!!
May 4, 2012 in Articles
It’s called different things. No, I’m not discussing being a verser, which is called ‘gatesman’, ‘d-traveller’, and/or ‘worldwalker’. As should be clear, I mean aspie’s, or as its called in various universes, Linear Affective Mindset Disorder, or Genetic Logic Over-Dependence, or supergeek. I call it Aspberger’s as thats what it was called in the first universe I was born into, before I became a verser.
Even then, that is before I took home the experimental Scriff Inside! keyboard, I was extremely good at computers. I had a Jaguar XJS, and a guitar used by Mick Jagger by the time I was twenty-two. Not that I had time to use them as I worked a ninety hour week for TechOptimal, Inc..
By twenty-three, I had put the Jaguar in a ditch, and bought a Porsche, and bloodied my fingers on the Gibson, and spent eight weeks in the hospital for nervous overstress, and another two months to let my bones get back to what they were supposed to be doing after me and the Jaguar parted ways at ninety miles per hour on that curve. After that, I always wore a seat belt. Nothing like flying at a tree, sans jet pack, or car to encourage safe driving habits one would think. I smashed the Porsche a year later, but that time I had my seat belt on. The old truck I hit head first drove away after the police cleared us. My lime-green Porsche got lifted by a maglifter onto the back of a junk truck, and I went back to the hospital for three months.
By the time I was thirty-two, I had a total of four friends in my life, none of them female. And my stock portfolio varied wildly as I kept coming up with systems for beating the market. Some worked very well, and others did…not so well. And I drove a very large, fire-engine red custom truck, with rollbars.
Prematurely balding, with big glasses, and an adenoidal adam’s apple, and what one waitress had told me was a ‘goofy, sweet smile’, I took home the fatal, or at least transformative keyboard. One can of the Ultrajolt spiking across the keyboard, drat Googleplex, my insufferable Persian cat, and I was out of There, with There having the values of my home timeline.
I woke in Nineteen-Forties America (with a few changes so that I knew I was not time travelling. Texas was five states, and California was three, and except for the area around Juneau, the Russians owned Alaska.) I tried to start a business with my advanced technology, which should have been easy, but I got an up close and personal feeling for what living in High Taxia is like. If, after much labor, and daring, and fear, I earned ten dollars, the government wanted nine of them, and then people spat on me as a ‘filthy capitalists’.
If the War had not come, I’m not sure what I would have done, but all of a sudden capitalists were not a bad thing. The War needed mountains of supplies, and although I could not take my advanced computational skills to work, I did know how to run what is called Systemology. I could put together seven hundred different parts made by fifty different companies, and have it come together in a workable tank or fighter plane. At the time, I was one of four people in the world that could do that, and the other three were also American.
Without us, the War would have gone far differently.
The other three were smart enough to realize that I was a head above them, and to begin to figure out why. So I explained it, and we got together, and pushed Enigma early, and by the end of the War, the Nazis were reduced to hand-delivering messages as we had so thoroughly compromised their infonets that we had Nazi battallions duking it out with each other on occasion.
From there, it was a quick step to the Internet, and microchips. About this time, we became aware that Senator McCarthy might be a blowhard, but in essence, he was right. The way we had treated the Nazis was the way the KGB was treating us. They were not as smart as us, but they were insanely paranoid, and there was something in the West, a death impulse, that left us vulnerable as sin to their mind games, what later would be called ‘memetic warfare’. Most of the modern American ways of thought that I had thought weird back home turned out to be weird because the KGB had created them as mind weapons.
We responded by generously electrifying and Internetting the whole of Russia. They did not want us to, that is the Politburo, but its hard to refuse tens of billions of free gifts for your workers. Of course, it was a poison pill. I designed the Russian Net, and it was very, very easy to hide your identity in it, and oh, complain about the abuses of the local commissar to the whole town, or nation, or world.
Lenin barely got started murdering before he was overthrown, and shotgunned to death. Stalin never even got started.
Now you probably think of this as boasting. Its not, not really. Its to let you know how I got married to a lovely girl. We met, online, natch. And I liked her, and she found me funny, and sweet, and we got married. Let me tell you, I was happy. I look thrirty, and am actually seventy, and I finally have a girl.
Problem is, I occasionally forget things. Like this is the seventh day in a row that I forgot to buy milk from the grocery store after our gallon jug had curdled in the fridge. Now given that I had forgotten after my wife patiently reminded me, you might think of me as heading toward the doghouse.
Instead…
She walked in, and heard on the TV that there had been a shortage of milk due to a Federal crackdown on milk safety standards. So obviously it was not my fault.
Later, I would shuffle some cash back to the milk companies to make up for their loss. As one of the Secret Kings of the World, I try to be fair to my subjects while making sure my wife smiles at me.