Episode 11: A Potpourri of Goodies

A quick note before we get started. I’d like to spend just a moment or two talking about the White Wolf "publicity stunt". Those of you who don’t think that this has anything to do with game design, go stick your heads back in the sand.

Yeah, Wick is on a mean streak again. Sue me.

Whenever you do anything to push your game, you have to consider every gamer when trying something new. I said "every gamer" because there really isn't such a thing as a "gaming community".

You've got people who sit back quietly and watch everything. They enjoy what they read and really never say a word. This is the majority of players.

Then you've got the vocal minority who shout at everything. They're hyper-sensitive about change ("using CARDS in a roleplaying game? what the f&*^'s wrong with DICE?") and bringing anything new into the industry.

Unfortunately, public opinion in easily swayed by these people. A sad, but very real, fact.

Or is it?

There's been a lot of noise about White Wolf/AEG/TSR, but the fact of the matter is, these companies still produce the top ten selling RPG products. With all the noise about 7th Sea, it still managed to be the #3 release for 3 months at one of the major distributors. (I'm using 7th Sea as an example here because it's what I -know-, not because I'm trying to plug my own game. I don't even work for the company anymore. Like Twain said, "Write what you know." And if you think I’m doing it to boost my royalties, then pal, you’ve got a lot to learn about the gaming industry. But, just in case…) Look at Vampire 3rd. With all the complaints, it's still in the top 5 best-selling RPGs for months on end. And for all the hateful bashing of TSR, I can guarantee you, it don’t matter what’s in between the covers of those 3rd Edition AD&D books, there’s a ton of folks who’s gonna buy ‘em.

And don’t even get me started on Magic.

So, why do games that are consistently thrashed on the intent continue to outsell games that are praised?

Because the vocal minority is only shouting at themselves. People who hate White Wolf shout at other people who hate White Wolf and they shout back. Then, the hate-mongers feel all gushy inside because they're not alone. Then, they get all jazzed because they catch the attention of the game designer, throw a bunch of insults at him (or her) and feel all gushy inside because "I certainly told him what-for!"

Is this true of every gamer? No, it certainly is not. The majority of gamers are -great people-. Some of the best people I've ever met.

(Watch how many people ignore that statement when they reply to this. Just watch. I can see it now: "Wick admits he hates gamers!" No, Wick does not hate gamers. Wick regrets the fact that there are people who feel compelled to piss in other people’s punch. Wick regrets that so many people are still in the fifth grade, pointing at other people’s favorite game system, saying "Look at all the holes and mistakes!" when they clearly are blinded to the holes in mistakes in their own favorite system. Despite his atrocious PR people drowning out what he said over what he did, Jesus said some wonderful things, including that whole bit about the mote in your eye and the log in mine.)

But by saying that -most- gamers are great, you are saying that there are some who are not. And it's that last group of people who rule the internet. They shout and scream and point fingers and stay up until six in the morning in front of their computers, looking for something to rant about.

So, from the point of view of a designer, I think the White Wolf 'stunt' was a great idea. Yes, I knew - as did many others, and not just game designers - that it would draw the ire of the (how did Nathan put it?) "over-reactionaries", but then again, you have to consider some things:

1) Will the over-reactionaries scream about it?

Yes. They scream about everything.

2) Will anyone listen to the over-reactionaries?

Some might.

3) Will the silent majority remain silent?

Yes.

4) Is it worth doing?

That's all up to you and how much you want to invest in the company that makes Advil.

Me, I don't give a crap what most people say, especially when they're shouting. I design my games the way I want. Lots of people buy them. That's a great bonus. You -can't- make a living in this industry. You -can't-. There's not enough money to go around. So, you've got to consider why you're doing it.

For public appeal? No.

Because you love RPGs? Yes.

Then who gives a flying turd -what- the over-reactionaries, or anyone else for that matter, thinks?

I make RPGs because I -love- them.

If people like the RPGs I design, that's a great feeling. One of the best in the world. But it comes in second to that feeling of opening up that box that just came in from the printers and smelling that wonderful "just printed" smell on your brand new book.

So, new game designers, listen up.

Ignore the critics. Ignore the shouters.

Make your game the way you want. The way that makes you happy. Remember the old line about customer service:

Every angry customer complains.

Only 1 in 10 happy customers compliment.

Remember that. It’s important. It’ll keep the Advil out of your medicine cabinet.

* * *

Okay. The rant was 950 words. This column is supposed to be around 2000 words. You’re gonna get 3000 so nobody can say they were cheated.

* * *

This week is answering questions. I got a ton of them from the column last week, and all them coincided with what I wanted to write this week.

So, here we go.

What happens to an Ork family that loses its mother?

A small detail I omitted from the column last week was the inclusion of "Ork maidens". Women who have not yet gone through the initiation rites yet serve a mother for a period of time. (I imagine them standing next to the mother, dressed in white robes, looking all holy and stuff.) They serve as the Mother’s "hand maidens", helping her out with daily chores, delivering messages to other Mothers, that sort of thing.

When they’re old enough, they go through the ritual and become Mothers. But until then, they’re Maidens. But when an Ork family loses it’s Mother, one of the maidens goes through the initiation rite. She returns as the new Mother.

Now, Ork Maidens present a new problem. Orks don’t recognize that sex has anything to do with the procreation process. That means that there can’t be any kind of sex taboo.

Which means maidens ain’t necessarily maidens. If you get my drift.

Sex + Maiden = Baby. That makes her a Mother. So now we have to come up with some kind of explanation for all that. Something that works within the Ork metaphysics.

Or, we have to make a sex taboo. Only warriors and mothers can do it.

Or, we have to say that a Maiden gets pregnant first, then goes through the initiation process.

Lots of different options. Not sure which one I’m going to run with.

But the question does show you the process of how quickly ideas can change while you’re working on them and why it’s so unsafe to consider any work "finished" until it goes to the printer.

What happens to girls who fail the initiation?

They meet the same fate as the boys.

But then again, this question raises a topic I’ve been considering for quite a long time. The question of Warrior-Women.

It’s almost a necessity. I have to include it in Orkworld in some way. It’s too popular an archetype not to include it. Also, it would be marketing suicide not to do it.

Will it snap disbelief suspenders? Yes. (Including my own.)

Will it sell more games? Yes.

Unfortunately, I’m not ready to answer the question of Warrior-Women just yet. Still trying to figure that one out.

I know there’s a Goddess. What does the rest of the pantheon look like?

Well, let’s take that from the top.

In the beginning, the Great Goddess Keethdowmga (with ten thousand teats) gave birth to ten thousand Orks. They were all born with their spears and shields and armor on. They immediately began to fight.

In the end, there were only three Orks left: mighty Bashthrakka, Gowthdukah the Wise and Silent and little Pugg.

Bashthrakah appears in Ork stories as a massive warrior with a black hide and a great spear and shield. It is said that it is his battle with the blue dragon of the sky that causes storms. Orks believe the sky is the belly of The Dragon of the Sky, a beast that has a great rivalry with Bashthrakah. Whenever they are about to fight, the Great Ork slams his spear against his shield, making the sky shudder with the sound. When the two fight, you can see their wrath streak across the sky. As the sky fills with the black blood of their God, they rejoice that he still fights on, despite his wounds. And at the end of the battle, when both combatants lie dying, it is the dragon’s magic blood that heals them both so they may fight again one day.

(By the way, whenever he goes into battle, Keethdowmga weeps for her son. So do all mothers weep for their sons when they go into battle.)

The second god, Gowthdukah, is the tall, slim and silent brother. He was born mute. Because he could not speak, he invented a system of symbols that allowed him to communicate with his brothers. This is how Orks learned language. Gowthdukah is the Keeper of Secrets, for it was he who watched the other gods and stole their knowledge. Although he did not steal fire. We’ll talk about that story later. Gowthdukah has a magic cloak that allows him to take any form he likes. In this way, he spies on the other gods, steals their knowledge and passes it on to the Orks.

Lastly, there is little Pugg. Pugg appears as the smallest of the brothers and is usually represented with an enlarged foot (it was smashed by Bashthrakah after a particularly nasty trick). It was Pug who tricked the gods of men, dwarf and halfling (still don’t like that; gotta do something about it) out of their portions of the afterlife. It was Pugg who stole fire. Almost all the stories of the gods have some mention of Pugg. Here is one now.

* * *

Long, long ago, when the world was all winter, Pugg stole fire. This is how he did it.

The sun is a covetous creature. It shares its warmth when it chooses and hides behind clouds when it feels it isn’t being adored. This is why the men pay such homage to it. Silly men. They have yellow brains.

(Orks regard the color "yellow" as weak. Albino Ork children are not born white, they are born yellow. Therefore, anything that is yellow is weak, and to call someone "yellow brained" or "yellow footed" or "yellow hands" is a harsh insult, and not one that should be taken lightly.)

The Orks were freezing. Pugg knew it. Did he complain? No! He did something about it.

The sun is not only covetous, but it is also vain. And proud. And selfish. Why do you think the sun is so yellow? But the sun has one thing that nothing else in the world has: it has fire. And Pugg went up there to steal it.

He borrowed his brother’s cloak of changing (as he so often does) and changed into the shape of a bird. Then, he flew up as high as he could, even above the clouds and above the sky, to the place where the sun is.

"Look at you!" shouted Pugg at the sun. "You’re much fatter than I though you would be!"

The sun ignored him. At least, pretended to ignore him. But nobody can fool Pugg. Not even the sun.

"Look at you!" shouted Pugg again. "All fat and happy. And very, very ugly. Is that why you make yourself so bright: so the rest of the world can’t see how ugly you are?"

This time, the sun made a scowl. Pugg hid his face behind his wings. "Ah!" he cried. "Don’t do that! You are already too ugly to behold. Making faces only makes it worse!"

The sun grew ever angrier. It said, "What do you want little bird? Do you want to feel my fire and fall to the earth as a cinder?"

"Hah!" shouted Pugg. "You couldn’t hit me with your fire. You’re so fat and ugly, you couldn’t even hit yourself! Although if you did hit yourself in the face a few times, it might make an improvement!"

The sun burst with fury and shouted at Pugg, "Foolish bird! Now you will feel the wrath of the sun!"

The sun sent out its fire and the flames hit Pugg and his brother’s cloak of changing. And Pugg screamed at the pain. But he did not fall. Oh no. He did not fall.

Instead, he flew with his flaming feathers down into the world. But the flames were hot, too hot for even Pugg, and he fell. Fell, fell, fell. But before he hit the ground, he was caught by an Oak tree.

"Thank you, Oak tree for saving me," said Pugg. "And for your kindness, you may have a bit of the fire I have stolen."

Then, he flew away to the Orks of the world and cast off the flaming cloak. The Orks took the fire of the cloak and kept it safe, although the cloak was ruined.

When Pugg returned home, his brother asked about his cloak. "I am sorry, my brother," said Pugg. But I have lost your cloak." Then, he told the story of what happened. Instead of anger, Gowthdukah smiled and walked away, content with the trick Pugg had made.

And that is how Pugg stole fire and gave it to the Orks.

* * *

(But it is also the story of how Pugg gave fire to Oak trees, who remain green even in winter. And it is also why Orks can draw fire from wood, because Oak trees have a little fire inside of them. It just needs to be coaxed out.)

* * *

That’s the basics of the pantheon. But let’s not stop there. Let’s go a little further and discuss the ramifications of the pantheon I’ve chosen, shall we?

There are really two kinds of gods: active and passive.

Active gods are like Jehovah. They make the rules.

Passive gods are like the Japanese and Chinese gods. They follow the rules.

The difference between the two is very important to the development of the Orks’ character. If the Ork gods are active (they created the universe, created the world, created life), then they can make up the rules as they go and they can break the rules when they wish.

Jehovah is a great example of an active god because he "goes where the wind blows" (that’s a deadly quote by the way; many scholars believe those words got Cretian de Troyas — otherwise known as Christian of Troy — killed). Jehovah even hands out sets of rules — ten to be exact. And because he made man and man is his favorite critter, man is also somewhat above the rules. This is where our concept of freewill is born. Granted, it takes us a few thousand years to get around to it, but without an active god, we wouldn’t have developed it.

Don’t believe me? Well, let’s look at passive gods, and I’ll show you why.

Passive gods do not make rules, they are bound by them. Look at the deities of the Far East and you’ll see what I’m talking about. The gods of the Far East are part of a huge machine and must abide by the machine’s rules. Like man, they fulfill a role and that is all. They are agents of the universe, working as its employees. They do not cause plagues and floods, they are simply enacting the will of the universe.

Let’s look at it from another angle. Passive gods are like soldiers; they follow orders. A soldier is not accountable for his actions during a time of war because he is following a superior’s orders. Like Mr. Miagi says, "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher. Teacher say, student do." It’s the same for soldiers. Sergeant say, soldier do.

Because of this viewpoint of the universe, the individual is missing from the Far East. In fact, the person who cries out, "I am free to do what I want" is dangerous. He’s the monster, the thing that must be controlled. On the other hand, the hero is the person who undertakes great and dangerous tasks regardless of his own desires or fears.

Folks who are familiar with Legend of the Five Rings will recognize this. The whole theme of the Clan War story arc was a group of seven heroes who had to fulfill a prophecy and reenact an event that occurred a thousand years ago. Every thousand years, the same act must be reenacted or the world will come to an end. These seven heroes — the Seven Thunders — were forced to put aside their own lives and go through with the ritual, knowing that not all of them would return.

(And as a side note, in the original story, many of them did not return. However, the popularity of the product demanded that we change the ending so we could write a sequel. I didn’t like it, but then again, it’s hard to argue with the people who sign your checks. I’m still very happy with the ending you all got to see. I do miss the one you didn’t get to see.)

The hero of the West, on the other hand, is the one who doesn’t go with the flow, who refuses to follow the set path and makes his own rules. This is the hero of genre fantasy, the one we know and love. We’re talking Conan, Arthur, Dragonlance guys and gals, The Man With No Name, Luke Skywalker, the Professor and Mary Ann and the rest. Because Jehovah can make up the rules as he goes along, then so can we.

(At the very end of the Percival story that we talked about not-so-long-ago, a monk comes to him and says, "You have changed the laws of God." This monumental moment in Western literature has often been ignored. You should check it out.)

So by deciding on the passivity or activity of the Ork pantheon, we also decide on the nature of Ork heroes. Are they parts of a great machine, or are they making up their own rules as they go?

The Norse have a very admirable way of dealing with this dilemma. They believe that every man has a choice, but that choice has already been seen by the Fates. In other words, they copped out.

I know how I’m going to handle the problem, and it has a lot to do with the concept of Trouble. In fact, almost all Ork philosophy revolves around that little concept.

But it’s late and my wife is telling me to shut down. Besides, I promised 3000 words. You got that and more.

* * *

Next week, we talk more about Ork philosophy, answer some more questions, figure out what the hell we’re going to do with Warrior-Women.

And go get into some Trouble. A little Trouble does a body good.