Episode 29: More Evil

Hi folks. Sorry I've been away. Been rather busy re-typing stuff I typed a couple of months ago. But enough about all that. I've got an expense update for you.

I told you a while ago that I'd be needing a scanner sooner or later. Well, it's sooner. Fortunately, I was able to get a rather nice one for only $179. And, of course, you can't get a scanner without getting an accompanying copy of Photoshop 5.5. That added $299 to the total.

Thomas (Denmark, that is) sent us the cover, which means we have to get it shot to film and scanned. That's gonna add $250 to the total. From it, we'll get an electronic copy of the cover along with a slide. And so, we add $728 to the total cost of Orkworld, which looks something like this:

Now my current page count shows that I just might make 250 pages. That means I can charge (according to books on the shelves with similar page counts) around $25 to $30 for the book. I'll probably be charging $25. That means if I sell through the distributors, I'll make $10 per book. That means I have to sell 800 books to break even. I'm pretty sure I can do that. If I sell through the print run (3,000 books), I'll make a total of $30,000 on the book. That's before I pay off Eric Rowe over at Wizard's Attic his 12% for taking care of shipping and handling for me. That's $3,600 for Eric. So, the grand total looks like this:

Now, if folks decide to buy the book directly from Eric, I'll get the whole $25. Eric gets his 12% either way (which is why Eric's the smartest man in the gaming industry).

Right. Enough with the root of all evil. Let's talk about the fruit.

Last week, we took a quick look at the elves of Orkworld. This week, we take another look. A closer look. Like last week, this is text you'll find in the book, and it ain't for the faint of heart. See you on the other side.

Culture

Every day is a new opportunity to be rid of an enemy.

A quick look at elven religion will explain much of elven culture.

Long, long ago, the universe was created by a single deity whose name cannot be spoken (for reasons we'll reveal later). The servants of this deity were tall, beautiful and perfect. They loved their god and served him in all ways. Then, one day, he commanded them to create life. The servants created the elves. Unfortunately, the elves didn't quite come out the way god wanted, so he got frustrated and went away.

Immediately, the servants began bickering amongst themselves, throwing blame at anyone who got in their way. But it didn't take long for them to figure out who was really responsible for the god's departure& the elves.

The servants of this god grew angry with the elves (after all, it was their fault the god left in the first place) and decided to make them pay. Did they torture the elves for untold millennia? No. Nothing so simple. Instead, they gave the elves unlimited power and put them at the top of the world. Instead of torturing the elves, their newfound gifts allowed them to torture themselves.

And so began the elven culture we know today. Elves have everything they could ever want. They have immortality and unlimited power& at a price.

Each household devotes itself to one of the servants (called Ældandoovrushtalen, but we'll just call them Ældran, eh?) taking it aboard as a kind of patron. The household serves the Ældran, destroying the mortal servants of its own enemies: the other Ældran.

The Ældran are in the same boat as the elves. They're immortal, all-powerful and very, very bored. And so, they use the elves as pawns in a great game that spans thousands of generations. The elves know this - some even secretly plot a way to overthrow the Ældran - and don't really care. After all, they have everything they could ever want. Most elves serve the Ældran without question& although some secretly seek a way to overthrow the Ældran and usurp their position as second most powerful beings in the universe. After all, if god does return, won't he be pleased to see how his little creation usurped its creator? Won't he be pleased?

Won't he?

For elves also believe that god will come back some day. What he'll do when he returns in anyone's guess.

Strength and Weakness

A few million years ago (who's counting?) a young elf rose up from the nobility and claimed he had found the Creator's Lost Truth. Life wasn't about ambition and politics, it was about forgiveness and serenity. It's about introspection and being better than what's expected of you. He said, "When your enemy strikes you, turn the other cheek." He explained that passive resistance was the method to communicate this truth. "If our enemies see that we are unwilling to fight, they will become consumed with our cause and join us. The brutal beauty of watching an elf refuse to fight his enemy will stir the people's souls. They will see that we are willing to bleed to prove that we are right, and they will join us!"

They caught this lunatic, hung him on a tree and that was pretty much the end of that.

Elven society is not based on any kind of primitive "good and evil" beliefs. Instead, elves believe in two entirely different standards: Strength and Weakness.

All vice comes from Weakness. The reason you don't accomplish everything you want is because of Weakness. Think about it. Think about all the people you know who say, "I just don't have the time to exercise," or "I just don't have the time to go back to school and finish my degree." They say this, of course, while they watch television, or play video games or indulge in some other pointless recreation.

That is Weakness.

Think of all the times you could have gotten away with something, but your conscience kicked you in the pants. "No," it said. "That's not the right thing to do."

That is Weakness.

Think of all the people you've met who say, "You know, I've always wanted to be a (insert dream profession here)&" and then their voice trails off as their eyes look dreamily to the stars. "Well, why didn't you?" you ask. "Oh, I don't know," they answer.

This is Weakness.

Think of every attractive girl (or boy) you couldn't muster the courage to ask out.

Weakness.

Think of every boss who ever chewed you out and you just stood there and took it because you "aren't very good at confrontations".

Weakness.

Think of everything you wished you could do, but you don't because your gut instinct tells you that it's just not safe or ethical or moral.

Weakness.

The people who actually accomplish something in the world do so because they are Strong. They aren't afraid of failure. They aren't afraid of being yelled at. They aren't afraid of confrontation. They aren't afraid of rejection.

They aren't afraid of getting what they want.

This is Strength.

The elves revere Strength. It gives them what they want. So much so, in fact, that elven culture has no Code of Laws. None. Not a single law to break. Not a single law to uphold. Why?

Because laws are the tools of the Weak to protect them from the Strong.

Think about it. Think about the Ten Commandments.

Thou shall not steal. Why? Because I'm weak and I can't keep the things I own by myself, so I need to have a law that protects me from someone who's stronger than me and can take my stuff away.

Thou shall not lie. Why? Because I'm weak and I don't have any courage and I'm not very good at conversations and other people are so much better at lying than I am and I want to know when someone's lying to me because I can't quite tell because I'm a pudding-for-a-spine person and I need something to watch over me.

Thou shall not kill. Why? Because I'm weak and I can't protect myself and I need to invent some kind of higher power to enforce this rule because if I don't, the Strong are going to kill me and take what I have and I just don't have the will to take a life, even if it means someone's going to take mine.

It all comes down to will. What are you willing to do?

Are you willing to steal from your enemy? He's willing to do it to you.

Are you willing to lie to your enemy? He's willing to do it to you.

Are you willing to kill your enemy?

Think about every historical figure you've ever known who's said, "Why don't we just all get along?" What happened to them?

Shot. Stabbed. Beaten to death. Hung on a tree.

Every success is a story of someone who had Strength. Maybe its the Strength to live off rice and ramen every day, writing until your fingers bleed, writing until your perfected your craft, keeping every rejection letter as a trophy until you finally got that big break that only came because you had the Strength to stick it out. (His name is Stephen King, by the way.)

Or maybe its the businessman who goes to Vegas with his company's payroll, walks up to the roulette wheel, and puts the whole thing on black for the 50/50 chance that he'll be able to pay the bills this month. (That's the founder of Fed-Ex.)

It all comes down to one simple concept:

The Strong eat the Weak.

(By the way, it is because elves understand this concept so well that orks scare the hell out of them.)

Society

As I mentioned above, elves do not have any kind of legal system or code. What you can get away with is what you can get away with. But, an elf doesn't just walk up to an enemy in broad daylight and slash his throat. Such an action has consequences. After all, that elf has allies.

So, in short, you could say the only "elven law" is, "Don't make an enemy you can't kill".

The society of the elves is based on dynastic lineage. Technically, a single monarch who passes his throne to his first-born child rules elven society. Elven procreation is a lengthy, boring magical ritual that has nothing to do with any kind of sexual contact. However, it is a very painful and necessary process; an elf can die if it does not create children. What's worse, the parent cannot simply kill its child. An elf children is born with many (but not all) of its parent's memories, experiences and capabilities. While this can make a child sympathetic to its parent's causes, it's also born with all the spite and hatred the parent carries. And, let's face it, how many carbon copies of you do you want walking around?

Elves in Orkworld, however, do not follow such an ordered structure. Instead, the kingdom is divided into many families, each declaring themselves ruler of the world. They spend all their time building monuments to themselves, throwing lavish parties of extravagance and plot the downfalls of their relatives. The members of each family are trained in sorcery, personal combat and poison. They're trained to deal with any contingency, with any manner of enemy.

While households practice ruthless warfare on each other, there is one factor that keeps them in line: treaties. In a society where lying is the standard and a stab in the back is only a matter of time, an elf lord's promise goes a long way. And so, elven households keep secret treaties with each other, promises to come to each other's aid in times of danger. It is because of these treaties that households aren't always at war. When an elven household makes war on another, it really doesn't know how many enemies it's really taking on.

Households have been known to break treaties, but such an act is a dangerous one. After all, if you break faith with one treaty, it invalidates any other treaties you've made.

"I'm sorry, Lord Donadanallanon, but you broke faith with the Cuchaldrandoondanan House. I'm afraid I cannot honor our own treaty. How will I know you won't do the same with me."

Or,

"I'm sorry, Lord Uthardrenndandalor, but you broke faith with House Balintanindaninor with whom I held a treaty. I'm afraid I cannot honor both, so I must break faith with the one whose word means less than nothing."

It's tough being an elf lord.

Sorcery & Elven Mortality

Elves are capable of nearly anything. Their powers come from the gods (or, at least his servants) and are limited only by the imagination. There is a price for using their magic, however. It seems that elven magic leaves a kind of "fallout" that eats flesh. The more they use their magic, the more thin, pale and sickly they become. Soon enough, they must find a new body to replace the sick, diseased one their sorcery burned out.

And this is where elves are vulnerable.

If an elven body dies while the elf is still within it, the energy has nowhere to go. If there isn't a proper vessel available, the elf's "soul" (if it has such a thing) dissipates into nothing.

This is why poison is such a popular weapon among the elves. It's easy to put into food and drink and kills the body quickly, leaving the victim little time to prepare a new host body. Also, the older a vessel is, the quicker the poison works.

* * *

And that's the elves. As sexy as I could make 'em.

Next week, we'll take a look at getting layed. Layed out, that is.

Take care, and I'll see you in seven.