Episode 4: The Bonnie Principle

My buddy Bonnie is a seamstress. She made my musketeer costume some of you may have seen at Gen-Con two years ago.

She stands about Harlan Ellison height, has very long and straight red hair and pretty as a bug in a rug. She's also very, very Scottish. Players of the 7th Sea game would recognize her immediately; "That's Bloody Bonnie McGee!" they'd say. And, they'd be right. There's a lot of secrets in 7th Sea. That's one of them.

(And if you're all good boys and girls, maybe I'll introduce you to Steve "Long Tall Harry" Swarner one day. A gentleman and a scholar.)

Invoking Bonnie this week is important, because she's the key to updating Warhamster. The funny thing is, she didn't even know it when she said it.

We were sitting 'round the table, watching Buffy, eating pizza and popcorn, commenting how the actor who plays Xander is perfect for the role of Peter Parker (did I mention how pissed off I am Cameron isn't directing it?), and talking about my costume for Gen-Con.

"The first thing they taught me in sewing class, John," Bonnie tells me, "is this. You can have something cheap, now, or pretty. Pick two."

Jenny and I both laughed. I'd heard that before, but the way Bonnie said it stuck in my head. And, from that moment on, those words became The Bonnie Principle, a verity that you can apply to just about anything in life.

Now jump ahead two years.

I'm lying in bed, not sleeping. (This happens a lot lately. Last night, I didn't sleep at all. I think it has something to do with the transformation from John to The Wick. I'll get back to you on it.) I just got done talking to John Kovalic about Warhamster. I'm the one who's gonna do Third Edition. What the hell do I have to contribute to Third Edition?

I mean, the d1000 is so embedded in everyone's heads. And the whole thing is so damned clunky. Rolling on three different charts to get one single effect. The whole thing should break down into one roll. After all, so many games do that so nicely: break down the To-Hit Roll and the Damage Roll into one pretty package. Now, if only you could add a Defense roll on to that thing. Of course, you'd have to take into account the fact that a full on attack is pretty hard to block, but also leaves the attacker open to counter-attacks. Heh. Kinda like the Bonnie Principle there. You can get a bitchin' To-Hit Roll, a damn fine Damage roll, but your Defense would really su -

And that's when I sat right up in bed so fast, I woke The Wife.

I had it. I knew how to wrap the whole thing up. And I owed it all to The Bonnie Principle. I wrote the thing up, waiting 'till morning (all my fingernails were gone by then), and called John up with the good news. He loved it. Of course, there was one more guy I had to impress. And that was gonna be a hard sell.

At least, that's what I thought.

Joe listened carefully, said "Uh huh," about five times and "Yeah" three more. I finished. He took a deep breath.

"You know, John. This is gonna be really hard," he said.

I swallowed. "How's that, Joe?"

"Watching you do this," he said.

"You mean, watching me change it?"

"Uh huh." He paused. "Changing it for the better. But its still change. You know what I mean? Work on something for a year or so, then watch someone else develop it away from what it was? Even if the work they're doing is really good. It still hurts. Does that make any sense?"

Yes, Joe. More than you might suspect.

So, here's how you roll a thousand-sided die.

First, get yourself three tens-sided dice. Each one should be a different color. Roll those dice one at a time. The first die is the "hundreds die," the second is the "tens die," and the third is the "ones die."

So, if the first die rolls 8,

and the second die rolls 4,

and the third die rolls 9...

... that's a roll of eight hundred forty-nine (849).

If the first die rolls 0,

and the second die rolls 3,

and the third die rolls 6...

& that's a roll of thirty-six (036).

Got it? Good. Now, let's apply the Bonnie Principle.

When your character attacks someone, you have three things to consider:

1. Attack Roll (how difficult it is to parry the attack)
2. Damage Roll (how many Wounds the attack inflicts if its successful), and
3. Defense Roll (how difficult you are to hit until you roll the dice next)

That last bit is important. Go back and read it again. Especially about that "until you roll the dice again" bit.

Now, when you roll, you decide which of those things gets the hundreds die, which gets the tens die and which gets the ones die. See how it works out?

I want a big, nasty attack ("Full Attack" for you L5R fans out there) that'll do a lot of damage, is really hard to parry, and leaves me completely in the open for a counter-attack.

I make my Attack Roll with my hundreds die,

I make my Damage Roll with my tens die, and

I make my Defense Roll with my ones die.

On the other hand, if I want to play it safe, I could:

Make my Defense Roll with my hundreds die,

Make my Damage Roll with my tens die, and

Make my Attack Roll with my ones die.

Or, if I'm feeling really lucky, I could:

Make my Damage Roll with my hundreds die,

Make my Attack Roll with my tens die, and

Make my Defense Roll with my ones die.

See how this is working out?

Every aspect of the game works the same way. A thief wants to pick a lock, for instance. He's got three choices:

He puts his hundreds die in speed (how fast he picks the lock),

He puts his tens die in precision (how well he avoids traps),

He puts his ones die in noise (how quiet he makes the action).

Even spells work out the same way:

A sorcerer puts his hundreds die towards range,

His tens die towards damage, and

His ones die toward duration.

Every aspect of the game works the same way.

That's the Bonnie Principle in action. A thing of beauty and grace... just like the lady herself.

(But don't tell her I said so. I'd probably get hit. Hard.)

That's all you get for this week, folks. Next week, it's more of putting 3rd Edition together, and a treat: a little talk with Da Man Hisself: Joe Cottonworthy.

Until then, take good care... and don't read any reviews: they contain chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer.