Origins Awards

Well, summer's finally here! And with summer comes, yes, CLEAVAGE! WOOHOO!

And the Origins awards, too, for those of the gaming persuasion. Head on over to GAMA's site and get a ballot. Now, if you want to look smart and impress the girls in the Vampire LARP, listen to Uncle Mearls and vote for these folks:

Best Abstract Board Game

I've never played any of the games on the ballot, but that won't stop me from exhorting you to pick my fave: What Were You Thinking? by WOTC, 'cause that's what you have to ask yourself if this brilliant analysis sways your vote in this category.

Best Historical Board Game

Another category rife with games I have never played. I'll go with Victory: The Blocks of War from Colombia Games, simply because we must do something to get the Colombian economy out of producing drugs and into making more games, and blocks, and games related to blocks.

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy Board Game

Oh my God, I have PLAYED these games! Gotta go with Crimson Skies here, folks. I picked this game up on a lark and am quite impressed with the rules and setting. Nothing like a little dogfight to get the old blood boilin'.

Best Trading Card Game

Wow, another entire genre of games I don't play. Deadlands is based on a cool RPG. Vote for that one.

Best Traditional Card Game

You get to chop off peoples' heads in Guillotine, but you get to play a zombie short order cook in Lord of the Fries. Go with the latter, and send some good thoughts Cheapass's way.

Best Card Game Expansion or Supplement

Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Best Historical Miniatures Rules

Zzzzzz...snort...sniffle....zzzzz....

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy Miniatures Rules

Zzzzzz... BattleTech...zzzzz...must vote for BattleTech.....

Best Historical Figure Miniatures Series

Screw with the system and write-in BattleTech here, too.

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy Figure Miniature

Write-in your favorite HISTORICAL figure here. Jam the system, as they say.

Best Vehicle Miniature

Look, the categories where I know what I'm talking about ARE COMING RIGHT UP. I'm skipping the computer, play by mail, and magazine sections. Just leave those blank, or write-in BattleTech. This ballot is entirely way too long.

Best Game-Related Short Work

Oh boy, now I get to tee off. Designated Hitter? Worst thing to happen to baseball. Honor and Guile? Guile was the lamest Street Fighter character. Leftovers? I see no reason to support a publisher that won't give us FRESH fiction. The Muse? Screw The Muse. She's never there when you need her. Write in something. Better yet, write a story on the back of the ballot, in crayon, and write in that as the Best Game-Related Short Work.

Best Roleplaying Adventure

No Man's Land! No Man's Land!

Best Roleplaying Game

Alternity is a pretty good system, Shadowrun has a good setting, Baron Munchausen is a very radical (as in different, not like rad dude) game design, so those three are in a dead heat. Star Trek? Never been a big fan of the series, but since I read Ken Hite's Out of the Box column I've been brainwashed into loving all things Hite. Usagi Yojimbo is a very cool game, the kind of thing that makes me think there's hope for RPGs. So we're pretty much tied. Thus, it comes down to the ultimate test: which company would win in an all out, no holds barred brawl, based on no other factor than each company's name.

Wizards of the Coast has the upper hand in the magic department, yet I do believe that away from their native coastal terrain these wizards would be at a disadvantage. Given that this weakness is broadcast in their name, they lose.

The Fredonian Air and Space Administration (FASA; yes, that's what FASA stands for) is run by Groucho Marx. They make everyone laugh. And then they lose.

Last Unicorn Games? HAH! I found my lead lined helmet. Ken Hite's Out of the Box mojo is broken! OK, we have a horse with a horn and no friends. What's it gonna do, eat my lawn? They lose.

The Hogshead may attract flies and stink up the battlefield, but it isn't much use in a fight. Maybe it could take out the unicorn, but that's it. They lose, too.

Which leaves us with Gold Rush Games. Gold Rush. California. 49ers. Joe Montana. Montana can't lose. Gold Rush Games by a Montana to Clark last second TD pass. Usagi Yojimbo, you've just won the Best RPG of the Year award. Here's a carrot.

Best Roleplaying Supplement

Technical Readout: 3060 had some pretty cool stuff, but I've already burned up my BattleTech karma for one column. Feng Shui is the best RPG I never read, which most likely makes Blood of the Valiant the best RPG supplement I never read. Greyhawk may always have a soft spot in me heart, Kindred of the East drew raves, and Bill Walsh is about to send in Joe Montana on behalf of San Angelo, but I gotta go with Encyclopedia Cthulhiana on this one.

And there you have it, a comprehensive, detailed, exhaustive survey of the best of the industry, complete with my stunning insights and probing examination of all things gamey. Or not.

Have fun this summer, and don't forget to mail in those ballots. None of the print mags were able to get ballots printed this year, so we digital folks have a chance to make a big impact on the Origins awards. Let's remember this as we pencil in Mike Mearls for best historical miniature: I HAVE A SHOT AT VICTORY! GLORY, SWEET, SWEET GLORY!