Interview: James Ernest

Graveyard Greg: Hey! You there! Who are you?

Unknown Stranger: Hey! I'm James Ernest! I run Cheapass Games!

GG: Did you wash your hands before you got here?

James Ernest: "Got Here?" I never leave my house!

GG: OK. Name your gaming credits of the past, the present, and the future!

Ernest: Age 6: Invented "Cow." Upside: Helps pass the time on long car trips. Downsides: You need cows to play.

Age 26: Started "Cheapass Games." Upsides: Fame and Fortune. Downsides:

Makes all my other gaming credits seem miniscule.

Age 46: Thrown out of "Caesar's" for palming a six of clubs. Upsides: Was losing anyway. Downsides: Later found dead in alley with cap in ass.

GG: Hm. What a way to go. How did you get into the gaming business?

Ernest: I knew a couple of people who worked at Wizards of the Coast, the year before they produced Magic. I even went out on a limb and bought some stock in the company. My wife got a job there, I did some freelance work, and I discovered that I liked writing games.

My first big design was a TCG for Wizards which they liked, but never published. No, you haven't ever seen it. They still have it, and it's being worked on by Top Men. After that, I wrote a couple of board games, and then wrote the XXXenophile CCG for Phil Foglio. I've also had a few games published in GAMES Magazine, done some freelance writing and design for Wizards, and other stuff. But mostly, I've focused the last few years on products for my own company.

GG: Let's talk about those Cheapass Games you make. What is the cheapest one you have? Don't count the free ones.

Ernest: Devil Bunny Needs a Ham is $2. I originally wanted to sell most of my games for $2-$4, but my friends convinced me that I was insane. So, it's usually $5 or $6 for a new Cheapass Game, but we're figuring out clever ways to give you more for that same price. And, since I can't count the free ones, it's pointless to mention that there are lots of great free games at my website. They aren't free because they are dumb, they are just free because you really don't need anything special aside from the rules.

GG: And you can find those free games at the Secret Website at http://www.cheapass.com! What's your favorite cheapass snack?

Ernest: Goldfish. I'm a goldfish processing facility. Put in Goldfish, take out games.

GG: Is it true you used to be a Juggler?

Ernest: Almost. I'm still a juggler. But I don't do it professionally anymore. For about 10 years I worked cruise ships, birthday parties, and everything in between. And it was tough. One day I realized I was completely maxed out, and decided to change careers. You can only be so successful as a variety act.

GG: So, you went from juggling to President of Cheapass Games. Somehow, it makes a warped kind of sense.

Ernest: I suppose.

GG: What is your favorite Cheapass game?

Ernest: I usually don't have an answer for that, but these days it's BRAWL. BRAWL isn't -technically- a Cheapass Game, but it's close enough. It's my real-time card game for the year. I was pleased with the breakthroughs I made with FALLING, my first real-time card game, but not enough people "get" that game. BRAWL makes improvements in nearly every regard, and I'm really excited about finally getting it out.

GG: To those readers, I had the pleasure of playing a demo of BRAWL at GenCon. James Ernest even play a couple of games against me. He spanked me the first few times, but then I got the hang of it, and he let me win a game. Nowadays, all I hear and see are Button Men. And now it's growing! I saw the SANCTUM Button Men at Origins. They're going to have Legend of the Five Rings Button Men at GenCon. Not to mention Lunch Money Button Men! When will it end?

Ernest: Never. Actually, that's not true. Button Men is probably going to be a fad, so I hope it does really well in its short life span. Everybody who signs on realizes that it can't last forever. What's more important is that it's a test case for BRAWL, which will get the same treatment next year, but on a much bigger scale.

GG: How did you came up with the idea for Button Men?

Ernest: The story of Button Men: Dalmuti's Restaurant, the experimental add-on to Wizards' flagship game center, commissioned a suite of six microgames for their opening. They wanted games you could fit on coasters, like the game I have on my business card.

After I wrote and sold them the first set, I realized that what they really needed was a game where the playing pieces, not the rulebooks, were coasters. So I showed them Button Men (which was called something else at the time, I forget what). They liked it, but didn't need it. So, as has happened many times, I wound up with a random free game.

I didn't want to sell Button Men myself, because I didn't sell polyhedral dice, and I don't expect all of my customers to have them. Dalmuti's was a great environment for the coaster game, because they sold dice next door. But I finally decided to start carrying dice on my website, and figured the stores who would stock Button Men would enjoy the extra dice business.

So far that works. But what's really great about Button Men is that it's a platform anyone can use. Lunch Money, Legend of the Five Rings, Sailor Moon, and other characters can fight on level ground in the Button Men world.

GG: There are those unlucky enough not to know about Cheapass Games' Secret Website (which, by the way, is http://www.cheapass.com), so can ya tell us what is in the near future for Button Men?

Ernest: As I mentioned above, Sailor Moon is coming out in October. After that, I'm releasing a dozen Button Men illustrated by Brom. I don't have anything else to announce yet, but do keep your orbs peeled. A couple of really big possibilities are in the works.

GG: Quick! Boxers or briefs?

Ernest: Depends.

GG: Aren't you a little young for those? Nevermind, because it's now time for a Special Cheapass Edition of Celebrity Deathmatch! The following Button Men are trying to gain the title of Grand Master Dicechucker. In the black corner is Jolly Blackburn of Knights of the Dinner Table fame. At the plaid corner is Mark J Young of Multiverser infamy. Finally, Susan Van Camp arrives and sits herself in the Mauve corner. Who would win, and what kind of Special Swing Die would they have?

Ernest: Jolly and Mark have Annihilating dice, which destroy everything they capture. They get in an all-out knife fight with each other, never giving Susan a turn. They don't percieve her has a threat, since she has only one 1-sided die. Jolly's last attack rolls a 1, which Susan neatly captures, winning the game.

Moral: never let people perceive you as dangerous.

GG: What do you see in the future for the Gaming Industry?

Ernest: Decipher, Wizards, and Games Workshop get in an all-out knife fight over the kids who are getting tired of Pokemon. Each drives away more of the other's customers, eventually alienating the entire hobby game customer base. Tapped out, each company is bought by Hasbro for pennies on the dollar, and Cheapass Games wins by signing up the two hundred gamers who remain for lifetime subscriptions.

Moral: See above.

GG: Well, James--thanks for this Cheapass Interview. Any last words or advice to our readers before I send the Hounds after you, sir?

Ernest: Buy more Cheapass Games!

GG: Words to live by, my friends...