From the article archive
Expanding an Idea: Saying Thanks
I have to say I felt a small surge of pride when Mark’s article Variations mentioned my column idea. It’s always nice to get a kind word from those who you respect yourself. That feeling actually lead me to my idea for this article.
Quite a bit of GM and player advice deals with getting through the rough spots in gaming. Bad behavior, style differences, difficult characters – all of these things have been dealt with many times by quite a few different authors and, I would say, rightfully so. These issues are some of the things that stop folks from having a good time, the main goal of RPGs, and anything we can do to help each other deal with these issues and continue to have fun is good. However, working through difficulties as a game group isn’t the only way to foster good times and to improve on our skills.
I’ve heard it said many times by salesmen that there are more people are willing to tell you about a bad product to experience they’ve had than there are those willing to tell you about a good product or experience. I think this translates quite well to the RPG world. We often don’t take the time to tell our GMs and players that they did a good job, or to point out the things that they are doing well. Why is that?
Everyone in your game group would like to hear some form of the phrase “Good job!” But yet it’s not something that seems to come up that often in or out of our games. What I’m not talking about here are the times when we congratulate out fellow player for scoring a good hit for lots of damage on a dragon, or the times when someone makes a successful skill check. While these things are nice, and it’s good to give a quick pat on the back when they happen, they don’t really give the sense of “Good job!” that I’m looking for.
What I’m talking about is telling the GM that he did a great job bringing the adventure and game world to life. Telling a fellow player that they were so in character that you almost forgot they actually aren’t that character. Taking the time after your game, even if your character died, to say “Thanks for a great game tonight guys, I had a lot of fun!” That’s what I’m talking about. Positive reinforcement gives everyone a sense of not only a job well done, but also a feeling of accomplishment and recognition by their fellows. This also helps us know what kind of behavior is considered good in our game group.
After every game I GM, I make it a point to tell the players that I had fun and that I’m looking forward to the next game. I feel that if I had fun at a game a good part of the reason is because the players helped to make it so. Players often look to the GM as the leader of the group, if the GM tells them that they did well and that the adventure was fun for him to run because of the quality of the players, that’s a big warm fuzzy (as my wife would say) everyone likes to hear.
Even if there were some rough spots in the session, like a bad rules argument, I point out the fact that even though we had a problem, we got through it and now we have the answer if/when that situation comes up again. While it’s not always possible to do so, I don’t want to leave my games on a bad note. Sure, from time to time there will issues that can’t be swept away with a simple thank you (see Why did that happen?), but it can’t hurt.
I try and do the same thing when I’m playing in a game. After the game I thank everyone for playing with me. If I had a good time I’ll also point out a few specific actions by the GM and players that are highlights for me. “That was great! (to player) The way you pulled together that explanation out of the air for why we were in the warehouse was awesome! I loved the way you and (insert GM name) roleplayed that out.”
If I didn’t have as much fun as I had hoped, I still thank the group for playing with me. Everyone takes the time to schedule a game session into their lives. We cancel other events, move things around on the calendar, get in trouble with our wives for playing twice in one week... Everyone made a choice to not do something else in order to be at the game. That’s at least worth saying thanks to those who thought gaming with you was important enough to them that they would be there.
I think I can further explain by tying back to Mark’s Variations article. After discussing his reluctance to do a re-write of certain article ideas, he stated:
“Then I remember Brett Bloczynski's fascinating concept for a column, Expanding an Idea. Whatever I write, he looks at it and finds something else to say about it.”
The simple use of the words “...fascinating concept for a column...” made my day. While the phrase isn’t a glowing recommendation for others to read my stuff and it doesn’t say my writing is incredible or anything that crazy, it’s a very nice way to pat me on the back and publicly say “Nice job kid.” Makes a guy feel good.
Now I’m not saying that we have to gush over each other at every game or article. There’s going to be a time when you show up to game and you hate it as I did in Don’t GM Angry, or you read an article and you don’t like it all that much as I discussed in You’ve Lost Me. The key is to maintain a positive attitude and to realize that one bad game session or article (or game supplement for that matter), shouldn’t undo all of the good times. To help reinforce those good times, be sure to say thank you. If nothing else, you’ll do your mother proud by following some of her advice.
That’s all from me for now. See you in the Forums!
Quite a bit of GM and player advice deals with getting through the rough spots in gaming. Bad behavior, style differences, difficult characters – all of these things have been dealt with many times by quite a few different authors and, I would say, rightfully so. These issues are some of the things that stop folks from having a good time, the main goal of RPGs, and anything we can do to help each other deal with these issues and continue to have fun is good. However, working through difficulties as a game group isn’t the only way to foster good times and to improve on our skills.
I’ve heard it said many times by salesmen that there are more people are willing to tell you about a bad product to experience they’ve had than there are those willing to tell you about a good product or experience. I think this translates quite well to the RPG world. We often don’t take the time to tell our GMs and players that they did a good job, or to point out the things that they are doing well. Why is that?
Everyone in your game group would like to hear some form of the phrase “Good job!” But yet it’s not something that seems to come up that often in or out of our games. What I’m not talking about here are the times when we congratulate out fellow player for scoring a good hit for lots of damage on a dragon, or the times when someone makes a successful skill check. While these things are nice, and it’s good to give a quick pat on the back when they happen, they don’t really give the sense of “Good job!” that I’m looking for.
What I’m talking about is telling the GM that he did a great job bringing the adventure and game world to life. Telling a fellow player that they were so in character that you almost forgot they actually aren’t that character. Taking the time after your game, even if your character died, to say “Thanks for a great game tonight guys, I had a lot of fun!” That’s what I’m talking about. Positive reinforcement gives everyone a sense of not only a job well done, but also a feeling of accomplishment and recognition by their fellows. This also helps us know what kind of behavior is considered good in our game group.
After every game I GM, I make it a point to tell the players that I had fun and that I’m looking forward to the next game. I feel that if I had fun at a game a good part of the reason is because the players helped to make it so. Players often look to the GM as the leader of the group, if the GM tells them that they did well and that the adventure was fun for him to run because of the quality of the players, that’s a big warm fuzzy (as my wife would say) everyone likes to hear.
Even if there were some rough spots in the session, like a bad rules argument, I point out the fact that even though we had a problem, we got through it and now we have the answer if/when that situation comes up again. While it’s not always possible to do so, I don’t want to leave my games on a bad note. Sure, from time to time there will issues that can’t be swept away with a simple thank you (see Why did that happen?), but it can’t hurt.
I try and do the same thing when I’m playing in a game. After the game I thank everyone for playing with me. If I had a good time I’ll also point out a few specific actions by the GM and players that are highlights for me. “That was great! (to player) The way you pulled together that explanation out of the air for why we were in the warehouse was awesome! I loved the way you and (insert GM name) roleplayed that out.”
If I didn’t have as much fun as I had hoped, I still thank the group for playing with me. Everyone takes the time to schedule a game session into their lives. We cancel other events, move things around on the calendar, get in trouble with our wives for playing twice in one week... Everyone made a choice to not do something else in order to be at the game. That’s at least worth saying thanks to those who thought gaming with you was important enough to them that they would be there.
I think I can further explain by tying back to Mark’s Variations article. After discussing his reluctance to do a re-write of certain article ideas, he stated:
“Then I remember Brett Bloczynski's fascinating concept for a column, Expanding an Idea. Whatever I write, he looks at it and finds something else to say about it.”
The simple use of the words “...fascinating concept for a column...” made my day. While the phrase isn’t a glowing recommendation for others to read my stuff and it doesn’t say my writing is incredible or anything that crazy, it’s a very nice way to pat me on the back and publicly say “Nice job kid.” Makes a guy feel good.
Now I’m not saying that we have to gush over each other at every game or article. There’s going to be a time when you show up to game and you hate it as I did in Don’t GM Angry, or you read an article and you don’t like it all that much as I discussed in You’ve Lost Me. The key is to maintain a positive attitude and to realize that one bad game session or article (or game supplement for that matter), shouldn’t undo all of the good times. To help reinforce those good times, be sure to say thank you. If nothing else, you’ll do your mother proud by following some of her advice.
That’s all from me for now. See you in the Forums!
Recovered from the Gaming Outpost database backup. Original wording is preserved; damaged punctuation and presentation markup have been repaired. Historical links without a local match point to the Internet Archive.